Life in the Construction Zone
Life in the Construction Zone
by Calvin Burkhart
reprinted from Info, vol. 12, no. 4, Fall 1995
It's true that my idea of comedy is watching Oliver Hardy get run over by a speeding piano, but slap-stick is only funny when it is happening to someone else. "Roadrunner" cartoons, for example, lose some of their zip if you happen to identify with Wiley Coyote. So, while I was asked to write something "humorous" concerning working conditions in our Library during the expansion project, I have decided it is much easier for me, and more valuable for you, to list some of the serious lessons we have learned instead:
It is safer to stay in the building in case of emergency than to try and evacuate.
Trench foot has replaced car trouble as the most frequent excuse for missing work.
It has been proven that our Acquisitions staff can still function with only one electrical outlet.
It is better to have signs that no one reads than to have no signs to read.
Replacing window glass with plywood improves the view.
Bulldozers are better than blueprints for locating underground cables.
We have not yet reached the point at which the building is most vulnerable to a Hurricane, which explains why ERIN and LUIS went somewhere else.
When a Library has reached its capacity for, it can then still be compressed by 50%.
If you move 20 staff members to new locations, four of them will never be seen again.
Whenever the number of students exceeds the number of seats, couples will do their necking standing up.
After 3 days of listening to an air hammer, it is impossible to concentrate while it's quiet.
If there is a hole in the wall, cool air and mosquitoes will flow in opposite directions.
When the administration is preoccupied with something other than running the Library, the Library runs better.